If you insist you have found your soulmate or twin flame, or still searching for this one and only person to fall in love with at first sight – I highly suggest to NOT read this article.
Love at First sight – finally found your Twin Flame?
Is there such thing as love at first sight? Many believe so, claiming to have experienced it at least once in their lifetime. Others think, there is no such thing as love at first sight. Love grows with time and needs constantly relation-ship-work. Some insist that they have found their one and only “Twin Flame”– meaning a love connection so strong that not even death can separate them.
Who’s in the right?
“Love at first sight” – A lack of Boundaries?
Indeed, it seems weird to fall in love at first sight with a stranger. You do not know this person. He or she might look decent, but so do most of the time look serial killers. But what causes people to fall in love that fast?
There are some conditions that help the falling-in-love-process: Stress and loneliness.
Co-Workers for example tend to fall in love, when they work in a stressful environment where they are constantly under pressure. There are strong indications that “under conditions of high anxiety”[i] others appear to us more sexually attractive. What might be good for survival, could have devastating effects. It seems that under pressure, there is limited rational judgement. And if our rational judgement is compromised, along with a lack of self-perception which may stem from traumatic experiences, we tend to not only be a poor judge of character, but also lacking the ability to set proper boundaries.
On the other hand, a lonely person might fall in love easily, projecting all hopes and fantasies on the desired object. But the highly attractive, charming object of desire too often turns out to be the worst nightmare. When feeling lonely, we also tend to let someone cross our boundaries to easily for the sake of “love”.
Karmic Partner? Soul Twin? Twin Flame?
Basically, the old twin flame story we here so often in questionable YouTube-videos was already told by Plato. Two pieces of one and the same soul are in search for each other. Sounds familiar, right?
Well, with every person you have a relationship you share some Karma that needs to get dissolved (Human Design folks would say that this person is on your fractal line), if you’d like to go with a more spiritual explanation. They stronger you feel immediately drawn to a person, the more likely it is that you two share some Karma. But is this a good thing? Of course not. Because that means you still have some more work to do here on this dark planet. But do not get confused: It is not necessarily a person from a past life. You just have something in common. Have the same struggle or issue. But that doesn’t mean this is your missing part. There is no such thing as a Twin Flame or Soul Twin, tied-together-till-eternity-vampire-ill-shit, frankly spoken from a non-dualistic standpoint.
Human Design- A mechanical viewpoint on Love
Mechanically seen, from a Human Design perspective, the person you are drawn to is bridging your split, have the other hanging gate, the same gate etc, and is as well on your “fractal”. Short, it is just an electromagnetic attraction and not that special. You would feel the same chemistry with a person on your fractal with a similar chart. A not so romantic viewpoint. But that as well is too narrowly considered, in my opinion.
The real issue with the Twin Flame-Concept
Psychologically seen, we tend to project all kinds of expectations on a partner: this is my soulmate, this is my wife, this is my husband, this is my big love. And of course we expect the other person to always act accordingly.
But it seems that there are two unhealthy extremes coming together with the implication that the other person in question is some missing part, Twin Flame or simply our forever spouse. Peeps tend to tolerate all kinds of shitty behaviour, or – other extreme – endless boredom. It is because some think that they more they have to endure, they more they are on their spiritual path. And all this vids on YouTube about the stages of a Twin Flame relationship are not helping. Nor do the vids and real-life examples of couples who pretend to be a team and all loving help, when it is obvious, they do not love each other anymore.
It is hard to know when exactly a relationship has served its purpose and is done. Or, on the other hand, is worth some more relationship-work. Especially when there is so much fairy tales about the different stages of a Twin Flame-connection flooding the internet, suggesting it is worth the suffering.
Is this person your Twin Flame? – Check List
- When you need to get more Botox done, because you cry yourself to sleep every night, maybe the relationship is not as good as you think it is. And this person is probably not so much of a Twin Flame than a problem.
- When you live together like friends for the sake of the children or the money but have not f*** for 3 years – this is not love. This is a situationship. Not a romantic Twin Flame connection.
- If your heart is constantly beating, and you get this slight feeling of fear every time your Twin Flame calls you, this is not a sign of love. It is the alarm system of your freak radar going off. Get your heart checked and find yourself someone trustworthy.
- If you love each other, trust each other, been through some rough times together – but always ended up kissing and in bed… Why do you need to ask yourself if this is your Twin Flame? Because it is too simple and nothing at all like a Hollywood movie? Go spend some quality time together and do not think you are missing something special.
[i] Dutton, D. G., & Aron, A. P. (1974). Some evidence for heightened sexual attraction under conditions of high anxiety. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 30(4), 510–517. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0037031
